I'm a Creep
by Terra4
Summary: PG13 for major self-mutilation. This is a songfic to 'Creep' by Radiohead, and is about Ron's self-esteem problems... and the danger of such problems.


**I'm a Creep**

**A/N:** Hey guys! I wonder if anyone will read this. It's just an idea that came to me, and I had to write it. This songfic was screaming to get out, but I'm actually working on a story with chapters, which I haven't given up on!  
This songfic is about Ron, so everything is either in the narrative form or his POV. The lyrics are his thoughts, and written in italic (if my computer works, that is). I put the lyrics in the middle of the page, so you'll know.  
This is my first songfic, so every review is welcome (and greatly appreciated). If you have anything to criticize, please do. I would love to get better at this.  
This is supposed to be one chapter only.  
**Disclaimer:** The characters are property of J. K. Rowling. The song lyrics are property of Radiohead, and the song is 'Creep'. Whatever is left is mine (that means nothing).

~*~*~*~ * ~*~*~*~

 Ron, Harry and Hermione were in the common room, as they were every evening. The common room was more or less crowded, as most people were talking, doing homework, just relaxing in their own way, or, in the case of Fred end George, pulling pranks.  
It was nearing Christmas and they were to have a ball just like last year. Ron hadn't asked anyone yet. Hermione suddenly asked them who they were taking to the ball. Harry said he was taking Ginny, and Ron just stared at the table, mumbling "no one".

Then Hermione decided she had to study and walked to another table. She was doing that very often lately. She didn't hang around with them as much as she used to. Ron wondered if she was studying for the O.W.L.s or if she was just tired of being with them. He looked at her and thought back to when she asked them who they were taking to the ball.

_When you were here before  
I couldn't look you in the eye_

He looked at her. She was so beautiful.

_Just like an angel  
Your skin makes me cry_

If only he had had the guts to ask her out. He looked at Harry, who had asked his sister, Ginny. He at least had been able to ask the girl he liked. Actually, Harry always managed to do what Ron couldn't. For one thing, he could fly like he was born on a broomstick. They had had a match against Slytherin last day, and Harry had played fantastically.

_You float like a feather_

And was also extremely popular. Every girl loved him. Was it the fame, the green eyes, or something else? Yet it was true he was a great guy.__

_And a beautiful one_

God, Harry! How do you manage to be so cool, popular and smart at the same time?

_You're so very special  
I wish I was special  
But I'm a creep  
I'm a weirdo  
What the hell am I doing here?  
I don't belong here_

I don't belong in the middle of them... Harry and Hermione... They just always seem so perfect! And they're so popular! And my brothers too... And my sister... They all have something that makes them special. I have nothing of that kind.  
Ron got up and left the common room. He went up to the dorms. Luckily, nobody had seen him. He took a little knife and went to the bathrooms. He pulled up his sleeves and looked at his arms. The skin was flawless. But not for long, thought Ron. He looked at his knife and began stroking his inner forearm with the knife. Then he decided to go for it. He cut his arm. It began bleeding. He did it again. This was making him feel better, though he couldn't see why. He cut his inner forearm countless times. With each cut he seemed to want more. It actually looked rather pretty. Soon, he had cuts all over his two inner forearms and they were covered with blood. Some wounds were actually starting to hurt.__

_Don't care if it hurts  
I wanna have control_

I want to have control over something – only one thing – in all my life. And that's... myself. My body.__

_I want a perfect body  
I want a perfect soul_

Just like yours, Hermione... I want a perfect soul; I want to as be perfect as you and Harry are.

_I want you to know this  
When I'm not around..._

Because I won't be around much longer. I'm sick of being here. I don't belong here. I wish you could know, guys, that...

_You're so very special_

God...

_I wish I was special  
But I'm a creep  
I'm a weirdo  
What the hell am I doing here?  
I don't belong here_

Ron pulled his sleeves over his arms. The bleeding hadn't really stopped, but it couldn't be seen over his black robes, so he didn't care. He put the knife in his inner pocket and went back to the common room. He had decided to ask Hermione to the ball. He didn't care anymore. He didn't care what happened. If she said yes, good. If she said no, he didn't care. He would laugh at how cruel things turned out for him. He would laugh at his own stupidity for thinking she would even consider. Nothing mattered as he walked towards her. She had just gotten up and was looking at a book in her hands. She put it down just when he was behind her.

"Hermione?"

She whirled around "Yes?"

"Could we talk for a second?"

She looked at him and said, "I was just about to go to the library: I need a book. We'll talk later." And with that she stormed out of the common room.

_She's running out again  
She's running out_

God Hermione! I just needed to ask you one simple question! You didn't have to run out like that! 'We'll talk later' she said. Sure Hermione, sure.

_Whatever makes you happy  
Whatever you want  
You're so very special  
I wish I was special  
But I'm a creep  
I'm a weirdo  
What the hell am I doing here?  
I don't belong here_

No, that's right, I don't belong here. I'm sorry Hermione. Maybe you thought we'd talk later, but I don't care anymore. It really doesn't matter anymore.

_I don't belong here_

And he went back to the bathrooms to finish his job. This time, he would be leaving... for good.


End file.
